I'm sitting here on the ground in my living room, watching Mimi sleep on the hardwood floor. Last Saturday, I came home from work, during my lunch, to get something to eat, and I noticed that Mimi was limping and not using her right hind leg. I freaked out and held her in my arms and called my mom to let her know what was going on. I also called my work and told them I couldn't come back in. My brother told me that he saw Mimi trying to jump onto my bed and missing, aka falling back onto the ground, and that might have been the moment she hurt herself. Unfortunately, the vet was closed and I thought that she may have just hurt herself, and that she would be able to walk again in an hour or two, like she's done before.

By the time Monday came around, she was still limping. She wasn't putting all her weight on her right hind leg and even when I would listen to her walking on the hardwood floor, I could tell that the rhythm of her steps were very different. I quickly called around to the vet hospitals in this area, only to find that an examination fee was twice as much as the fee of the vet hospital that I used to work at. So, I took her over to Potomac Valley Veterinary Hospital and that's where I found out that Mimi tore her CCL (basically a dog's version of a human ACL). The doctor suggested that we do a Lateral Repair on her leg, and while he had her under anesthesia, he would also perform the surgery to help with her patella luxation. Smaller dogs are very prone to luxating patellas and he said that after her right hind leg is healed from those two surgeries (the lateral repair, and patella repair), that she would need to have the patella repair on the left hind leg also. I called my mom and we agreed that we would somehow bring enough money together to get her surgery, so we booked her surgery for Friday.

I came home, with a quote of a little less than $2000, and sat with Mimi on the ground. Although we don't have money just sitting around, my mom and I agreed that we would make ends meet. I will be getting a check from George Mason for the remainder amount of my student loan, and I'm getting paid on Friday... My mom is gonna get paid tomorrow from her job and she has a small amount of money in her checking account. Overall, if we took all the money we have available to us, we would have just enough to pay for Mimi's surgery.

Just thinking about this situation has left me thinking about my use of money. I have been so careless with it. I'm always eating out, spending it on clothes that I DON'T need, going out to places with friends... and just being irresponsible. I shouldn't have to live paycheck to paycheck. I should be saving up... And to think that I have NO MONEY whatsoever just sitting in an account, and instead, I'm absolutely useless to Mimi's situation if it weren't for my school loan... This situation has been a wake up call for me. I need to grow up and realize that I need to rethink multiple times before I just throw money on the table to go have "fun" that will only last a few hours, rather than saving it for emergencies.

I could at least start saving up money so that I can pay off my student loans when I graduate. My mom wants to pay it all off for me, but there's no guarantee that my dad will really get the big paychecks later, after all his hard work has paid off. There's no guarantee that my mom will be able to pay for it, no matter how much she wants to. And it's not fair to completely depend on her like that. She deserves to have money to herself, to finally buy things for herself rather than pay for her children all the time. It's just not fair. She's working 6 days a week, getting slightly less pay than I do at Home Depot for God's sake. How can I go around telling people that I do nothing at work (I do work, but nothing tiring) and then come home to see my mom tired from working hard, all the way out in the Tyson's area. I feel so ungrateful.

I need to change my lifestyle. I need to change my mindset. I need to set goals for myself. I really need to graduate and find a decent job so that I can help out my mom around the house by taking over a bill every month or something. I just really want to make this easier on my mom. I know she's lonely and feeling sad all the time cause she always just comes home from work and goes to her room to watch Korean Dramas or shows by herself in that big bedroom. On top of that, my dad has been living in Korea for the past 3 years, making it back home to the U.S. maybe twice or three times a year. And now, he's in Korea getting treatment for the surgery he had for the cancer they found in his throat or something. Of course, I can't understand what the full situation is, because there is a slight language barrier in my family, and plus, my dad does not want to worry us, so he doesn't even tell us the full details. But, I can imagine the sadness my mom is feeling, knowing that he is in a totally different country, dealing with his sickness, and she can't be with him.

I'll just have to be a better daughter and try to ease my mom's mind. I'll watch my money more closely, and spend more time with her. I finally confessed to her on sunday that I got a tattoo during my birthday... She was upset at the fact that I didn't discuss it with her (although she and I both know that she would have forbidden it). She was also upset that I got words on my side, saying that I'm trying to go around announcing to everyone that I'm a korean girl... lol... She's silly. Then, she gave me this horribly evil glare, and then we both burst out laughing :P So, that situation was okay. I didn't want to lie to her anymore and I also wanted to go with her to Spa World so that she wouldn't have to go alone. I really do try to be a good daughter and I think I do a decent job at it. But, I still want to improve some more. I want to be a better person all around.